


When All Is Lost

by Beanacre0



Category: Revenge (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Childhood Sweethearts, F/M, Falling In Love, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Love, M/M, Multi, Polygamy, Revenge, Spoilers, Threesome - F/M/M, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-08
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 16:08:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beanacre0/pseuds/Beanacre0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Amanda fell from the balcony at the Grayson's, she and the baby died. Jack is left believing his childhood crush is gone forever, so who does he turn to but the two people who have been there for him for the past two years; Nolan Ross and Emily Thorne. A simple friendship progresses to something more as Jack, Emily and Nolan try to come to terms with the various losses in their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One - Loss

“Jack, there’s been an accident.”  
Jack felt as though his stomach had dropped out from under him and he ran off towards his car. He felt his heart hammering in his chest and bile rising up the back of his throat. The ride to the hospital whizzed by and he barely even registered anything until he was throwing himself forward through the halls of the hospital. He saw Emily and Charlotte Grayson hovering in the hallway first, their expressions grim and solemn. Charlotte’s tearful explanation of what happened fell on partially deaf ears and the only things he picked up on were the words ‘massive head trauma’ and ‘lost a lot of blood’. He just prayed that the baby and the girl he had loved ever since he was a boy lived. He didn’t know what he’d do if he lost them.  
Emily’s hand felt warm and comforting as she placed it on his arm. “She’ll be alright.”  
Jack wordlessly put his hand over hers and nodded. Tears burned his eyes and trailed down his flushed cheeks. Every moment he spent waiting for news felt like it stretched on forever and the wait was killing him.  
“Amanda Clarke’s family?”  
“We are.” Jack said quickly, walking over to the doctor. “Is she alright?”  
“Your baby is starved of oxygen but Miss Clarke has lost a lot of blood and might not survive the surgery. Did she say what she wanted to do in this scenario?” The Doctor told Jack.  
“Save the baby.” Emily said suddenly.  
The Doctor and Jack turned to look at her; Jack’s face was a picture of agony. He stared at her with eyes full of surprise and pain.  
“That’s what she said to me when they put her in the ambulance.” Emily lowered her voice and looked down at her hands. “She wanted to save the baby.”  
The Doctor nodded and walked away from them quickly so he could inform his team as to what they were going to do. Jack sank into an available seat and put his head in his hands, tugging at his coal black hair. His heart was torn. He had never imagined having to make such a decision. He had never imagined that he would have to choose between his girlfriend and his baby. It was like a bad joke and he hoped he would never have to hear the punch line.  
It seemed like hours had passed before the Doctor approached Jack again. His face was grave and slightly worn. Emily felt a pang inside her. It was bad news. With a face like that, it could only be bad news. The question was who had survived? Amanda or the baby?  
“Mr Porter, please take a seat.” The Doctor motioned for Jack to sit.  
Jack stumbled backwards and all but fell into the chair. Charlotte approached Emily and stood beside her, fiddling with her necklace worriedly. They were too far away to hear what the doctor said but the effect on Jack was clear. His face fell and he buried his head in his hands again, his shoulders heaving with sobs.  
Charlotte hurried forward. “Jack? What did he say?”  
When Jack failed to answer, she turned to the Doctor. “What did you say?”  
“We tried our hardest to save mother and baby, but both were lost on the table. I am very sorry for your loss.” The Doctor said.  
Charlotte’s hand clapped over her mouth to stifle her sobs. In only a short period of time she had both found and lost a sister and a nephew. She would never see her big sister’s cheerful grin or hear her nephew’s laugh for the first time. She fell into the seat beside Jack and took hold of his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Emily rushed over and placed a comforting hand on Jack’s shoulder, squeezing it like Charlotte squeezed his hand.  
The normally cool blonde fought her own tears. She had lost a girl that she had thought of like a sister, despite recent events pushing them apart. Amanda had been one of her rocks during her juvie stint, and vice versa, and she had done the biggest sacrifice by giving Emily her name. Now Amanda Clarke was officially gone and the real Emily Thorne would never have a chance to have people mourn her properly, at least not with her real name.  
The doors to the corridor swung open and a short blonde woman with brown eyes rushed inside. She looked worried and hurried over to the desk.  
“Is Amanda Clarke here? I’m her mother, Kara Clarke.” She told the receptionist.  
“I’m sorry Mrs Clarke, but Amanda Clarke is deceased.” The receptionist replied.  
Kara’s face contorted into one of shock and she shook her head. “Amanda.”  
“Did you say you’re Amanda’s mother?” Jack approached the older blonde.  
“I did. Who are you?” Kara eyed him suspiciously.  
“I’m Jack Porter. I am, was, Amanda’s boyfriend and father of her baby.” Jack held out a trembling hand.  
“Baby?” Kara blinked tear filled eyes as she looked at Jack.  
“He…passed too.” Jack only just managed to speak and tears spilled down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry that you had to find out like this.”  
Kara shook her head. “No, no. We haven’t exactly been close in many years. I’m…sorry for your loss.”  
The dark haired man watched as the blonde woman who claimed to be his now deceased girlfriend’s mother walked away. He felt his legs buckle and he nearly crashed to the floor. His knees would have made painful contact with the hard tiles but Emily’s surprisingly firm grip on him kept him standing. He gave her a grateful smile and turned the supporting grip into a tight hug. He felt as though he had lost so much recently. First, nearly two years ago, his father, then Sammy and now Amanda and his son. He didn’t know how much more loss he could take.  
Declan was all he had now.  
Charlotte hiccupped and dialled her mother’s phone number. She listened to the dial tone, praying that her mother would answer her because she needed to hear her voice. Despite everything that had happened between them, her mother was still able to provide some comfort in her darkest days. It made her feel like a little girl again.  
“Victoria Grayson.”  
“Mom?” Charlotte whispered.  
“Charlotte, is everything alright?” Victoria’s voice was concerned.  
“Amanda’s dead.” Charlotte sobbed.  
The older Grayson gave a pitying sigh. “Oh, Charlotte. I’ll be right there to pick you up.”  
Charlotte watched as the boy who could have been her brother in law walked away with the woman who once might have been her sister in law. She knew there was a friendship between them and she was glad to know that Jack had someone he could rely on. She herself was hopeless wreck right then and she wouldn’t have been of any use at all.  
As soon as she saw Victoria, Charlotte ran into her arms and clung to her like a small child. When she had been small she had gone to her mother whenever she skinned her knee or someone had been mean to her. No matter what people said about Victoria, no matter how many people called her an Ice Queen, she always had warmth in her saved for her children.  
Victoria rocked her daughter in her arms and smoothed her chestnut hair. “Shh, mother’s here now. You’ll be alright.”  
She prayed to a God that she had stopped praying to a long time ago that Charlotte would not return to taking pills or drinking heavily. She had done so much hard work to get to where she was and Victoria would hate to see her slip up now.  
“Come on, darling, let’s go home.” She wrapped an arm around her daughter’s shoulders and guided her out of the hospital.  
Jack stumbled into the Stowaway, lurching for the bar almost immediately. Declan hurried out of the back room and frowned when he saw his brother. Jack was leaning over the worn and battered bar surface and his fingers began to search for some alcohol.  
“What happened? I was just about to come to the hospital. Amanda’s fall is all over the press.” He asked, moving to intercept Jack’s hand as it reached for the largest bottle of whiskey. “I’ll take that, Jack.”  
“Amanda and my son are dead.” Jack spat. “Now give me that bottle.”  
“Drinking is not the answer, Jack.” Emily said, trying to pull him back.  
“How do you know?” Jack snorted. “Give me the bottle.”  
“Don’t give it to him, Declan.” Emily commanded. “Jack, I know because I’ve been there.”  
Jack shook his head. “I don’t care. Give me alcohol. I just need to stop thinking right now. I don’t want to think of anything.”  
He slumped and slid down the bar until he was sat on the floor. The wood felt cool against his flushed skin and his shoulders heaved as he sobbed.  
“I don’t want to think anymore.”  
Emily knelt down beside Jack and pulled him to her. Declan knelt down beside Jack on the other side and wrapped an arm around him. The three sat there wrapped around each other, taking comfort and giving comfort to each other. Declan and Jack might not have realised how much Amanda meant to Emily until now.  
That night, Jack slept in the middle of the bed he shared with Amanda with her pillow pressed to his face to surround himself in her scent and a baby grow in the hand that wasn’t gripping onto the pillow. A nearly empty bottle of Vodka lay on its side half under the bed and its stench clung to Jack’s every breath and to his clothes.  
Emily stood in the doorway. She was dressed head to toe in black and she watched him with saddened eyes. She moved to one of the chest of drawers and opened the one where she knew Amanda had kept everything Emily had given her in relation to the cause. The last thing she needed was for the information to fall into the wrong hands. She had worked too hard, _they_ had worked too hard, to fall down now.  
Emily slipped the large file out of the cabinet and slipped back towards the door. She paused when she reached Jack and looked down at the frown he wore on his face even in his sleep. She gently stroked some of his hair off of his forehead and placed a gentle kiss on it.  
“Amanda.” Jack whispered in his sleep.  
Emily bit her lip. Technically yes, she was Amanda, but she wasn’t the Amanda he was dreaming of. She wasn’t the Amanda he had just lost and was obviously missing even in sleep. She turned and slipped out of the door, heading back to Aiden and her house. She knew the burly Englishman would not be pleased that she had taken such a risk, but it meant her secret was still safe.  
At least for now.


	2. The Love of Friends

“Nolan?”  
“Yeah, what is it Ems?” Nolan asked, smiling down at Padma as he led beside her on a blanket in front of a roaring fire propped up on one arm.  
“Have you listened to the news lately?”  
Nolan looked around the cosy log cabin he had whisked his new paramour away to for an impromptu weekend trip and smirked. “No, I have not. What have the Grayson’s got themselves into now?”  
“Amanda’s dead.”  
Nolan sat up with a frown on his face. “What?”  
Padma looked at him with concern as she popped a grape into her mouth. She might not have known Nolan for that long, but she was starting to read him like a book. Something was very wrong.  
“She fell from a balcony in the Grayson Manor and she and the baby perished.” Emily told him. “Jack’s not taking it well.”  
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Nolan told her.  
“I’ll be with Jack. He needs us right now.” Emily hung up.  
Nolan jumped up and began to pull on his trousers over his brightly patterned boxers. He shrugged off the silk dressing gown and tugged on his shirt, before buttoning up a jacket over the top.  
“What’s wrong?” Padma looked up at him in confusion. “Nolan?”  
“We need to go. A friend’s girlfriend has died and I need to be with him.” Nolan threw her dress at her. “Get dressed.”  
Padma moved off into the spacious bathroom to put on her clothes. She slipped off the nightie she had been wearing over her bra and panties set and threw it to the floor. She pulled on the dress that Nolan had thrown at her and zipped it up the side. She stared at her reflection in the mirror.  
She knew exactly who the friend was that Nolan was talking about and she knew she could never compare. Nolan didn’t have to say anything, the whole company knew he was bisexual, and his feelings for Jack were clearly written on his face whenever he was around the other man. Padma could never compete. Not now that Amanda was dead anyway.  
At least she had managed to get some information to Daniel Grayson before everything had gone wrong. She was expendable now and she knew that Nolan would choose Jack over her any day.  
She remerged from the bathroom to find everything packed up and Nolan on the phone to the owners of the lodge telling them that they had to leave early. He gave Padma a small smile when he saw her and waved his hand to tell her to put her things away as soon as possible. He wanted to get on the road.  
“Go ahead, Nolan. I’ll make my own way home.” Padma told him. “Jack needs you. It’s alright, I don’t mind.”  
Nolan nodded. “Thank you.”  
He grabbed his suitcase, pressed a kiss to Padma’s lips and then hurried out of the door to his car. Padma watched him go, a sinking feeling telling her that it was all coming to an end. Her relationship with Nolan wouldn’t last long now.  
Emily stood in the doorway to the nursery watching Jack rock gently in his grandmother’s rocking chair. He held a scan picture in his hands and was staring at it vacantly. He barely even seemed to notice Emily.  
“How can they be gone?” His voice was hoarse from misuse. “I only saw them yesterday as they headed out the door for the baby shower.”  
Emily crossed to him and crouched down, putting her hands on Jack’s knees. “I know it feels strange. It’ll get easier, I promise.”  
Jack gave her a hopeless look. “When?”  
Emily looked down at her hands. “I don’t know. It could be a week from now, or it could be a year.”  
Jack choked on a sob and wiped some tears off of the picture. “You know this is the only picture I have of my son. I get to bury him, but I don’t get to have any pictures of him. How is that fair? How can you remember a life that never began?”  
Emily fell silent. She had no idea. She couldn’t imagine trying to write a eulogy for someone she had never had the chance to meet having lost them far too early. Jack’s son was supposed to grow up to be as handsome as his father and as feisty as his mother. Amanda was supposed to be behind the bar as always, flirting with the punters to sell drinks, and they were supposed to be a happy family.  
Jack could almost picture it. He and Amanda would be out on the boat with Jack teaching their young son the ropes. Perhaps there would have been a baby girl there too, just as beautiful as her mother. Now all those dreams were gone. They would only be dreams and Jack would ache every time the image invaded his mind.  
“I have to write a eulogy, for both of them.” Jack whispered. “I just can’t believe that after all these years that Amanda is gone, forever this time.”  
“She wouldn’t want you to wallow.” Emily gave a comforting smile. “Come on, let’s get you upstairs.”  
“No.”  
Emily looked at Jack with an expression of concern on her face. “Jack?”  
Jack looked so pathetic that it broke her heart. “I can’t go back to that room. It’s got too many memories of her. I’m going to ask Declan to move back in here and I’m going to stay on the boat.”  
“How long for?”  
Jack pulled himself to his feet and shrugged. “I don’t know.”  
He slipped the photo of the scan into his pocket and walked with purpose out into the bar area. Declan was setting up for that. He turned when he heard his brother and gave him a sympathetic smile, his eyes speaking volumes. He was hurting too and he hated seeing his big brother so broken.  
“Are you alright, Jack?”  
Jack grunted. “Dec, stop that for a minute please?”  
Declan stopped setting up and turned to face his brother. “Yeah?”  
“I want you to move back into the Stowaway.” Jack announced.  
Declan frowned. “Where am I going to stay? My room was turned into…it’s not available right now.”  
“In my room. I…can’t be in there right now. I’m going to stay on the boat.” Jack strode over to the bar and pulled a bottle of schnapps towards him.  
Declan sighed. He knew it was no good trying to argue with Jack when he was like this. Jack wasn’t an alcoholic normally, but he had reached his breaking point. As creepy as it was sleeping in his brother’s bed amongst his dead girlfriend’s things, it would be worse trying to argue with Jack.  
“Alright.” He agreed after a moment.  
Jack walked over to Declan and clapped his hand on the younger Porter’s shoulder. He looked his brother in the eye and gave a familiar lop-sided smile. For a moment, Declan felt as though he had his brother back and that the tragedy hadn’t happened. That was gone in a split second and Jack took a big gulp of the peach liquor. Jack pushed his way through the tables and out of the door, making his way to the Amanda. Declan and Emily watched him go silently, each lost to their thoughts.  
After a minute or two, Emily made to follow her childhood friend when she was stopped by Declan’s hand.  
“Look after him.”  
Emily looked at Declan and nodded. “I will.”  
Declan let his hand drop and watched as the blonde followed his brother out of the bar and to the boat.  
It didn’t take Nolan long to locate Jack. When he arrived back at the marina the sun was already setting and the lights on the island were coming on. He noticed the lights on in the Amanda right away and hazarded a guess that Jack would have moved his binge drinking session to the boat. If not, then perhaps he could ask Declan how he was.  
Of course Nolan was proved right when he boarded the Amanda and pulled open the door to below deck. He was greeted by the strong smell of various alcohol concoctions and the sound of crying. He walked down the steps and was greeted by the sight of Jack curled up on the bed through the open bedroom door. He also saw the blonde head of Emily curled up alongside him, holding his hand.  
“Room for one more?” He asked softly.  
Emily looked up and smiled tiredly at him. “I think it’d be appreciated.”  
Nolan kicked off his shoes and jacket and moved in behind Jack, putting a hand on the other man’s shoulder. Jack reached round with his other hand and gripped onto Nolan’s as though it were a life preserver.  
“It’s okay, Jack, we’ve got you.” Emily whispered, tenderly stroking the hair off of his forehead like she had done the night before.  
“Yeah, we’re right here for you.” Nolan added, giving the hand he was holding a gentle but firm squeeze.  
Jack’s shoulders shook as he cried and the two socialites’ hearts broke. Nolan met Emily’s eyes over the man’s shoulder and mouthed the words as he asked if she was okay. Emily gave a sad smile but nodded.  
The three sat like that for endless hours, holding onto Jack to provide him with comfort and security in his moment of grief. They couldn’t pin point who fell asleep first, or even when they fell asleep, but they all soon succumbed to the mental and physical tiredness that accompanied loss.  
Jack slept a relatively dreamless sleep between Nolan and Emily. Emily rested her head against Jack’s chest while Nolan lazily draped an arm over Jack’s waist, his fingers linked with Emily’s where they met on the dark haired man’s midriff.  
For a while they were not the man who had lost his girlfriend and baby, the genius who was socially awkward or the girl with many secrets and faces, but simply three friends united in sorrow.


	3. Remembrance

Kara walked through the twisting corridors of the Grayson Manor. She hadn’t been there long and so the maze of passages was just that, a maze. She both admired and condemned the Grayson’s for their interest in finery. It was ostentatious and there some pieces she would never have chosen for herself. However there were some things that she could almost picture owning herself is she had ever had a place this grand.  
The sound of sobbing drew her down another corridor and towards a light and airy room. She lightly knocked and pushed it open. Charlotte Grayson was sat on the bed holding a small photo album on her lap and had a tissue pressed to her eyes, uncaring of the mascara leaking down her cheeks.  
“Are you alright?” Kara asked cautiously.  
Charlotte looked up at her before giving a sad smile and nodded. Kara moved and sat next to her on the bed. She looked at the album and fought her surprise when she saw a picture of a smiling blonde woman with a swollen belly hugging the lighter blonde haired woman from the hospital and Jack Porter.  
“Is that-?” Kara reached out to lightly run her fingertips over the face of the pregnant woman in the picture.  
“Amanda.” Charlotte confirmed. “This was taken a few weeks ago at the Stowaway, Jack’s bar. They’d just discovered they were having a boy and Jack was so happy.”  
“Who’s the other woman?”  
“That’s Emily Thorne. She was Amanda’s good friend and she used to be my brother’s fiancée.” Charlotte gave a small smile. “She’s really nice.”  
Kara nodded and continued to stare at the picture of her Amanda. “The only picture I have of her is when she was a little girl.”  
“Would you like a copy of this? I have it on my computer, so I can print out another one.” Charlotte offered, slipping the photo out of its sheath and handing it to Kara. “I don’t have too many, but I have some.”  
Kara cradled the photo in her hands. She studied the features of the woman and smiled softly. Her daughter’s hair had always been a bright blonde, a colour she had loved, and she was slightly saddened to see how much it had dulled, but it suited her. It went with her warm chocolate eyes and slightly tanned skin. She looked so happy and carefree, as though what her father had done didn’t even bother her.  
“You’re her sister aren’t you?” Kara looked at the other girl trying to see any match between Amanda and Charlotte’s features.  
She couldn’t see anything. Perhaps the colour of her eyes matched Amanda’s, but the rest of her features strongly mirrored Victoria’s though her hair was a lighter, coppery colour. She remembered David showing her his family album once, and his mother had had the same hair colour. David had inherited his father’s hair and eyes, but some of his mother’s features must have been recessive.  
“Did you know her well?”  
Charlotte lowered her eyes and rubbed at them again with her tissue. “I was just getting to know her. Now I never will, will I?”  
Kara gave her a watery smile. “I won’t either. She thought I was dead. The last time I saw her she was only young.”  
Charlotte reached over and took hold of Kara’s hand, giving it a squeeze. The older Clarke squeezed it back and then pulled the girl into a hug. Charlotte sunk into the embrace gratefully and beamed. She might not have a sister anymore, but she did have some link to her deceased half-sibling.  
Emily’s eyes flickered rapidly under her eyelids and she tossed her head side to side as she dreamt. Her chest rose and fell in shuddering, panicked breaths and she let out a low moan that spoke of worry and pain.  
Nolan watched her with concern. Jack had long ago slipped out between them and had left his two friends to sleep on without him. Nolan had been sleeping peacefully until one of Emily’s reactions to her dream had woken him. A hand hitting him in the face had not been a nice wake up call.  
“Ems? Ems, wake up.” He called, shaking her softly.  
Emily gave a shuddering gasp and sat up rapidly, panting and her eyes wide. She glanced around and before focussing on Nolan.  
“Bad dreams?” The blonde haired man asked with his usual drawl.  
Emily ran a hand through her blonde curls. “Something like that.”  
“What was it about?” Nolan observed her face carefully.  
“Where’s Jack?” Emily seemed to be trying to shift the attention, something she did when she felt uncomfortable or put on the spot.  
Nolan looked at her seriously. “He left before I woke up. Now what was it about?”  
When she looked this vulnerable, he felt as though he was looking at the real Amanda Clarke. The scared little girl so cruelly ripped away from her father and best friend and shoved into a cold, heartless environment transforming her into the same thing.  
“It was a memory of my mother.” Emily admitted, closing her eyes and hearing her own screams in her head. “She tried to drown me.”  
Nolan’s brow furrowed. He couldn’t imagine anyone want to drown the blonde girl, though sometimes he did understand the urge when she seemed particularly carless in regards to his or anyone else’s feelings.  
“I think that’s why my father told me she had died.” Emily looked at him. “He must have been trying to protect me.”  
Nolan pulled the blonde girl into a hug and she stiffened for a moment before relaxing into the embrace. She buried her face into Nolan’s neck, breathing in the scent of his expensive cologne and natural scent. It calmed her. He had been the one man who had been there for her ever since she got out of Juvie and being so close to him in times of worry soothed her nerves and anxieties.  
“Thank you, Nolan.” She whispered in a moment of rare tenderness.  
“Anytime Ems.” Nolan replied, goose bumps rising along his skin where Emily’s breath brushed it.  
He would do anything for this girl with two names.  
Jack sat at the bar, staring at the document in his hands. He had to plan the funeral arrangements for both Amanda and baby Carl. It was breaking his heart that he already had to say goodbye to the girl he had loved for years. He had dreamt that she would breeze back into his life and it would be like old times. They would laugh and play on the beach, and sail wherever they wanted to in the Amanda. When he had found out that she was pregnant, he had inserted a happy little boy into his dreams. He dreamt of playing with his son in the sea and of nights curled up on the deck of the Amanda tucked under blankets and watching the stars as a family.  
He might have found it hard to readjust to having Amanda back in his life after she had left him so abruptly but his love was beginning to grow again as her stomach and his son grew with her. He had begun to trust that she would not run off again, not when they had a bond through their baby, when this had happened. She had gone again, only this time she would never come back.  
Jack sighed heavily and looked down at the paper in front of him. He didn’t know what to write. What would Amanda want? What would she want for Carl?  
 _“I need a field trip.” Amanda pouted, her legs either side of Jack as he stood in front of her. “What about Atlantic City?”_  
 _Her grin was infectious and soon Jack found himself smiling along with her._  
 _“A little gambling, a little clubbing, a little trouble.” Amanda’s tone was seductive as she ran her hands over Jack’s shoulders and arms and her mouth lingered just in front of his._  
 _“Sounds great.” Jack smiled, leaning closer to her. “Unfortunately I’ve got a bar to run.”_  
 _Amanda rolled her eyes, causing him to chuckle. “Snoozefest!”_  
 _She took his head in her hands tenderly. “Don’t you get tired of doing the same thing every night? Seeing the same people, listening to the same music?”_  
 _“Comes with the territory.” He replied._  
 _Amanda sighed, the pout back on her full lips. “Come on, be impulsive. Un-plan your life.”_  
 _Jack placed his hands on either side of her face and stilled the excited bob of her head. “Amanda, I’m sorry. I can’t.”_  
He remembered thinking that this wasn’t the girl he had said goodbye to all those years ago, that she was far too careless than Amanda had been. He understood now that she just wanted to be free. She wanted to forget all her worries and just enjoy her life. She had had a rough start, and now she was unrestricted; she could do what she wanted. In the end, he couldn’t deny her.  
 _Amanda laughed as Jack rolled the dice and yet again rolled a dud. “It’s alright baby, you’ve still got me. I’m not going anywhere.”_  
 _Jack pressed a kiss against her lips. “I’m glad, cause it looks like I’m broke.”_  
 _“Not quite.” Amanda’s grin turned wolfish. “I’ve still got some cash and I know exactly how to spend it. Come on.”_  
 _She grabbed his hand and led him out of the casino to a club across the street. The music was loud and the queue was long. Amanda didn’t let that stop her though and a quick flirt with the bouncer was all it took for them to get in before the next person in the queue. Jack marvelled at how easily she had known what to do. It appeared that that wasn’t the first time she had used that trick._  
 _“Dance with me.” She demanded, pulling her dark haired lover onto the dance floor._  
 _As he moved with Amanda on the dance floor, Jack had never felt luckier. That beautiful little girl who had buried sea glass with him and had trusted him with her dog had come back for him and she was even more beautiful than he remembered._  
 _Jack pulled Amanda to him using her hips and pressed his lips to her own. “I love you.”_  
 _A look flashed across Amanda’s face before it was gone. “I love you too.”_  
They hadn’t spent that long in the club in the end. They had stumbled back to the Amanda, kissing and touching each other the whole way. Jack would never forget the confident way her fingers caressed his skin as they made love that night. He would never forget the way she tossed back her head, making her long tresses trail down her back, as she moaned with pleasure. She had been his goddess that night and he had vowed to worship her for as long as he could do.  
He had vowed to be her protector when she couldn’t defend herself. After that night with Tyler he had promised himself that she would never be hurt or scared again.  
 _Amanda lay on her back and looked at Jack as he kissed her stomach, her hands gently threading through his hair._  
 _“I was so scared.” She whispered._  
 _Jack looked up at her with sincerity in his eyes. “I will never let you feel that scared again. I promise.”_  
 _Amanda gave him a lop-sided grin. “My knight in shining armour.”_  
 _“Always.” Jack smirked, returning to kissing her stomach._  
 _Amanda gasped as he moved lower and soon she was crying out his name, calling him her knight._  
But he had failed. She had needed him to protect her several times but he had been unable to do so. First when she had appeared on his boat covered in blood and secondly when she had fallen. If only he had been firmer and hadn’t allowed her to step foot in that house she would still be alive. He would really have been her knight in shining armour, and his princess would be still be beside him, serving drinks to the patrons and flirting with everyone in sight but returning to him and him alone in the nights.  
Jack wiped his tears away. “I miss you Amanda.”  
As he put his pen to the paper, he knew what she would have wanted. When she was with him, she wasn’t THE Amanda Clarke, the daughter of the terrorist and perverse play thing of the media but she was just Amanda, a troubled, spontaneous, joyful and sexy woman who loved him with all of her heart. That was the Amanda he would pay tribute to.  
That was the Amanda he had loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :) This is the first time I have included anything remotely sexual (and there's not even anything that sexual in there) and I'm quite pleased with how it went. I hope you enjoyed this look into the mind of Jack and his and Amanda's relationship :D

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter :)


End file.
